Somewhere on the foot of mount kenya,a day like this in the early nineties, a woman was in labour,that woman was my mother.
Before birthing me, she had endured the same pains for her four other children. She was happily married and was fulfilling God’s will. Filling the earth.
Before my birth, she had been in the marriage institution for about thirteen years and she stayed in it till death did them part.
Now I will delve into something deeper, I may not be married but I hope to be one day, so today here are my sentiments on it
We all fancy the cheap thrills that come with sex. A quickie at the car park, at the night club at some lonely isle in town, at some cheap motel. A quick one at some party, in a friends house, or your favourite joint, a moment of untamed emotions in public transport, or a public park. You name it. Youve tried it in the name of spicing up that relationship right?
To the unmarried ones who love these cheap sex thrills, how has the spicing been? Are you still together with your one? The one you had to spice things with? Maybe for his 25th birthday or your first anniversary as girlfriend and boyfriend?
I am guessing the spicing ended so well, that you got bored of each other and the routines to the extent of not wanting to say those vows of I do, before family, friends and a man in clothe. Be it a pastor, lawyer, judge or the old men that head those traditional rituals.
It is a powerful tool. Kings, presidents, that beggar you saw today, the genius and that fool you know of, the mentally insane, the spiritualists they all came to being after a sexual act. So see how powerful and diverse it is.
One thing though we all use it or enjoy its pleasures at the wrong time. It wasn’t created for you all unmarried, happily dating folks.
I am no virgin so I am not writing this as some sexually starved human who is not aware of the pleasures it offers. Nor am I writing this as a sexually abused human, or one who has been hurt in the past by giving in too soon, NO, I am writing this as an experimental human, one who has enjoyed few minutes of pleasure at some back seat of a car, one who has had desires fulfilled in unknown places, and who has also lacked enjoying happiness with an individual, because to some extent happiness was derived from how long he would stay hard, or how strong his thrusts were or how good he could eat me up.
You probably will go out with a guy ( women and their ninety day rule) especially someone who you see as a potential spouse, and not give in because you want to see if he will hang around, past the three months and if he passes that test he becomes “bae”. And after he is bae, you become his whore, buy all forms of lingerie, let Kamasutra be your new bible, and another three, say six or year down the line, you go through his phone and then see the texts he sends you, those with all the cute names et all, he send such to bunch of other women, then you wonder where did you ever go wrong.
Or you may be this other bunch of women, you see a guy, you name him potential, then on one of those days you are hanging out getting to know each other, your emotions misbehave you give in, in less than two weeks of knowing each other. The guy is such a darling because he doesn’t run after you gave in too soon, he now becomes sweeter and better and continues to spoil pamper and calling you all sort of cute names. You are his freak turned “wifey”. Three months, six months an year,then he sees you boring cause nowadays you are not a freak anymore, you hardly pounce on him, and when you try to spice things up he says your libido is usually on the extreme.. So he looks for another woman, a bit reserved, and conservative, and you wonder where you went wrong.
Now this is the bunch of people I want to be in. You have known a guy for as long ad you can imagine, you have been best of buddies, having late non sexual conversations, hang out a bit too often, help him critic all his ex girlfriends, meet up his new girlfriend then give reviews on how pretty she is, how big her bum is, how small her lips are, how she behaves when drunk et all. You know a couple of his family members so does he know yours, you are platonic friends. Once in a while he throws a line on how you’d make a great girlfriend when you are nursing a heart break. You tell him you like his beard a bit too often, you throw in the line of, you know me a tad too much we can never date.
“Never marry a man you love”
At the end of it, do not let sex be the “it” factor to define any long term relationship. It never goes anywhere. Grow friendship first, then love, and let sex be the cremè of it all.
Use it to celebrate, to create life, to acknowledge each other, not just something to quench those desires of lust.
“Another year growing wise on sexuality”
Let’s honor and respect sex, marriage and the children that are a result of it.